As if last night's events weren't weird enough, there was tonight:

First, we ordered pizza and made the mistake of trying to watch "Rosie Live." OMG, so, so very horrible I can't even begin to convey the epic failure: Rosie's endless off-key warbling, a singing and dancing appearance by walking corpse Liza Minelli, Alec Baldwin whispering into Rosie's cleavage, gay jokes by Clay Aiken, a striptease dance by Jane Krakowski who sang about White Castle burgers and Crest White Strips. Truly a disaster...we bailed at the 30-minute mark. I know she's one of my people and I'm supposed to support her, but damn, it was so bad. As my friend Jeannette would say, "I can't take that ride."

So then there was the fire we lit in the fireplace - first of the season, given the cold wet weather we had today. The chimney flue was open, but I guess not all the way, because after 90 minutes of crackling flame enjoyment, the house started filling with smoke. We tried to put out the flames with a fire extinguisher to get some relief, but the blasts of retardant just made more smoke and the log in the fireplace was still ablaze. We were about to calll the fire department when Philip hit on the idea of trying to carry the log outside. He got a bucket, I doused the flaming log with retardant, and he was able to pick it up with tongs and get it into the bucket. He ran outside with it and put it out with the garden hose. The house was filled with acrid smoke - we had to open up all the windows and doors and use box fans to help blow it outside.